


Start Over

by kittenofdoomage



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Arguing, F/M, NSFW, NSFW text, Oneshot, Reader Insert, Romance, Sex, Smut, explicit - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 16:35:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5877889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenofdoomage/pseuds/kittenofdoomage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: It keeps happening, and the reader has had enough. Is it possible to start over?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Start Over

It had been nearly a year, and he was pulling this crap on you again. You'd tried so hard, but even though he said it was him, you knew it was you. How could it be anything else? You'd known the risks of being with him, accepted them, after all, it had been your life anyway. And now here he was, saying the same shit you'd heard time and time again. _You're not safe with me. I'll get you killed. This life isn't what you need._ It didn't matter that you were in this life, with him or not.

You'd stormed out, gotten your own room. The case in town wasn't over, and wouldn't be for a few days yet. Sam knew what was going on – he wouldn't let Dean run again. So you'd raided the local liquor store but once you'd picked up the bottle of whiskey and sat on the bed, the radio playing in the background, you couldn't bring yourself to drown your sorrows in alcohol. You only wanted to drown your sorrows in him.

_I feel weak, we've been here before  
'Cause I feel we keep going back and forth_

You took a shuddering breath, looking at the bottle of amber liquid once more, before dropping it to the floor, curling up on your side and sobbing into the pillow. It wasn't the bed you'd shared the night before – it didn't smell like him. It smelt like store brand fabric softener and that generic motel scent. It wasn't the pillow he had laid you on before he kissed away everything in the world and made love to you in that slow sensitive way he'd reserved for special occasions. Maybe you should have known then, the way he treated you like it was the last night on earth. Maybe you should have realised he was saying goodbye, the way Dean always did. He was never good with words. He showed what he felt.

_Maybe it's over, maybe we're through  
But I honestly can say I still love you_

A soft knock sounded at the door and you looked up through teary eyes, willing them to go away. But they didn't, and you remained still as you heard something move in the lock and realised someone was picking it. Rolling over onto your other side, you shut your swollen eyes, pretending to be asleep. Maybe whoever it was would leave you be.

The door clicked and someone entered.

_Maybe we reached the mountain peak  
And there's no more left to climb_

'Y/N.' Dean's voice was soft, throaty as always. But you ignored him, ignored the urge to cry again. You kept still, kept your breathing even. You wanted him to go away and stop hurting you. Stop loving you. But he didn't. His footsteps approached the bed and he sat beside you, looking over at your still expression. 'I know you're not asleep.' You didn't reply, keeping still. You knew it would be clear you'd been crying, but you didn't care. He sighed heavily. 'I'm sorry, Y/N.' He shifted a little on the bed, and you waited for him to speak again, not acknowledging his apology. 'What happened earlier...I...I was being stupid. Sam...he...' Another heavy sigh, and his hand came to rest on your leg. 'Sam made me see.' _  
_

_And maybe we lost the magic piece  
And we're both too blind to find_

You waited, still not speaking. Dean's hand gripped your thigh a little, and you realised he'd leant forward, pressing his forehead to the top of his hand where it rested on your leg. 'I'm so sorry, baby. I got scared. I should have known you wouldn't walk away. That you wouldn't leave.' His voice was muffled where his head was bowed, and another choked sob lodged itself in your throat. 'I need you, Y/N.' That was the closest he'd ever get to saying he loved you. 'And I know that you're in this life anyway. I'm sorry. I won't...please...I won't do it again...'

_Let's start over  
Let's give love their wings_

A beat passed, and Dean was shaking now, worried that you would reject him, use his words against him. You took a breath, opening your eyes and lifting your head to look at him, reaching out with your hand to touch his hair. He stiffened, looking up and you saw there were tears in his green eyes to match yours. 'Dean...' You whispered, feeling fresh tears drop down onto your cheeks, running onto the bedspread. 'I...'

_Let's start over  
Stop fighting about the same old thing_

'Please, baby.' He said, his fingers catching in the fabric of your pants. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.' You pushed his hand off, sitting up and away from him, up against the top of the bed. He leant forward on the hand that had been on your thigh, pleading with you, watching you as you glanced away, unsure of what to do. You dropped your forehead into your palms, resting your elbows on your knees as you drew them to your chest.

_Let's start over  
We can't let our good love die_

'Dean...I don't know if I can.' You didn't look at him, but you heard his breath catch, his hands gently tugging on the blankets as he made fists with his fingers. 'What you said....it hurt.' You still didn't look up as tears ran down over your wrists, making small wet spots on your pants leg. 'It isn't the first time you've said it. Maybe it's the first time you acted on it. But maybe you're right. Maybe this life, with you, will get me killed.'

_Maybe we can start all over  
Give love another life_

His green eyes were focused on you, pleading, begging you to ignore all the stupid things he'd said. He moved back a little, seeing the unopened whiskey bottle, wanting to grab it and drink himself into a stupor. You weren't going to let him take this mistake back. You were going to end it, for good, for real, and he'd have to carry on knowing he'd done the stupidest thing possible. That he'd lost you. For no reason. 'Please...' He whispered again.

_I can see that we're not happy here  
So why would we keep pretending when there's nothing there_

Slowly, you let your hands fall onto your knees, your eyes drifting up to meet his. 'Maybe it will get me killed. Maybe we'll both get killed doing this. We don't know what's going to happen. Except that we're probably facing a short and uncertain future.' You stared at him, looking at the regret and heartbreak on his face, the sorrow in his eyes.

_Maybe you like it, well I don't  
Maybe you'll settle, well I won't_

'Baby, if I could take it back.' He started and you shook your head, pulling your knees closer.

'You can't.' You replied. 'What was said, was said.' You looked away, and he let out a single choked sob, a single tear running down his left cheek. He would allow that much, as he always did. Whatever you did now, Dean would find a way to survive. He didn't need you to get through life.

_Maybe we reached the mountain peak  
And there's no more left to climb_

But he did need you to _live_. That was why he'd said it. Fear of you leaving him permanently was something he'd never get over; you were aware of that. He wouldn't accept your death, same as he wouldn't accept the death of anyone else he loved. Dean never needed to tell anyone that he loved them. When he did, you felt it, in his actions, the way he was around you. It was clear to anyone that he loved his brother, that he loved his late father, that he loved Bobby Singer. It was clear to everyone that he loved you. And he would take your death as a personal failure, like every time he had when it had been someone else. Losing you to a break up was preferable to losing you to death.

_And maybe we lost the magic piece  
And we're both too blind to find_

'Dean...' You started. 'You're never gonna get over this.' Your voice dropped to a whisper. 'I might die. Sam might die. You might die.' He looked away, sniffing. You moved towards him, grabbing his chin with your slender fingers, turning his head towards you. He waited, more tears threatening to spill. 'I'd rather die by your side, or in your arms, than with you thinking I hate you a world away.' A relieved wail escaped his throat, and you pulled him towards you, pressing your lips against his. Dean reciprocated, moving further onto the bed, his hands holding you closer.

_Let's start over  
Let's give love their wings_

'I need you.' He whispered, breaking the kiss and you smiled a little, threading your fingers through his hair. 'I want you, Y/N.'

'I want you too.' You replied, letting him push you onto your back as he covered your body with his. 'I'll always want you.' He smiled, pressing another kiss to your lips, his hands pulling at your t-shirt. Impatience showed through his actions as he tugged at your clothes, his warm hands sliding against your skin. His kisses were frantic and desperate, and he pulled your shirt over your head without pausing. As he placed open mouthed kisses to your collarbone and down over your breasts, you whimpered, your hands still entwined in his hair. He stopped briefly to pull his own shirt over his head, kicking off his boots, and you took the opportunity to kick your own shoes off, before you collided with him once more, the kisses growing in intensity the longer they went on.

_Let's start over  
Stop fighting about the same old thing_

His mouth left yours, as he unclipped your bra and removed it, his lips going to your nipple. He sucked and nipped, coaxing soft whimpers and cries from you as your hands fumbled with his belt, not even looking at what you were doing. Eventually you managed to unbutton and unzip his pants, and Dean threw his head back as your hand enveloped his cock, pumping him gently, even though he was already hard and ready. He pressed his forehead to yours, moving his hips as you continued to move your fingers around his flesh.

'Fuck, Y/N. I can't...I can't wait.' He gasped out, kissing you again. You didn't respond, only moving your free hand to push his pants down over his firm ass, giving it a gentle squeeze as you moved over it. He chuckled into your mouth, using one hand to support himself and the other to undo your trousers, pushing them down over your hips. Both of you kicked the offending clothing away, and held each other close for a moment, bare skin on bare skin.

_Let's start over  
We can't let our good love die_

'Can we never fight like this again?' You whispered, almost afraid to say it. 'Don't ever do that again.'

He kissed you again, his arms tightening around you. 'I'm sorry. I won't. I promise.' The kiss deepened and he nudged your thighs apart with his knee, his hand stroking down over your breasts and abdomen to rest at your hip briefly, before he slid it under your thigh and lifted it. 'I want you, Y/N. So much.'

_Maybe we can start all over  
Give love another life_

When he slid inside you, neither of you made a sound, your hands holding on to each other like life depended on it. It was different from the last time, when he'd been determined to give you pleasure, taking it slow. This was about mutual need, showing each other that it was done, finished. You were starting over again, no talk of death or endings. You'd carry on, live the life you'd been given, fight the war you'd _chosen_ to fight. He knew that now and you knew that he understood.

 _I know that this will hurt you_  
I know you'll cry  
I know I called you selfish but that's a lie  
I feel I know what's the best for us

You didn't need to speak as he kept up the smooth strokes, hitting your depths with expert precision, kissing your lips, your neck, anywhere he could reach. You returned the favour, leaving tiny hickeys on his neck, your way of marking your territory, letting him know that he was yours and you were his, and this wasn't gonna happen again. This was the way you reminded each other where you belonged. Hunting aside, you and Dean _worked_. Despite his misgivings, he was the best thing that ever happened to you.

 _Let's... start over!_  
And let's give love their wings  
Let's start over  
I'm tired of fighting about the same old thing  
Let's start over

'Dean...' You gasped out, feeling your climax approaching as he kept up the pace, his cock twitching inside you. 'Fuck, Dean, I'm gonna cum.' He nodded, biting his bottom lip as he twisted his hips, hitting you where you needed the friction and you exploded around him, crying out his name and holding onto him. He kept moving, grunting as he pushed harder and harder, finally descending into erratic thrusts as he came hard inside you, kissing you and swallowing down the last cries of your climax.

_We both know that this love won't die_

Dean collapsed, keeping most of his weight off of you, his hand cradling your face as he kissed you tenderly. 'I promise, baby. Never again.' You didn't need to reply as he kissed you again, holding you closely as he pulled out of you. Without saying anything else, he rolled onto his bed, taking you with him so you were laying on his chest, and he pulled the covers over.

'I love you.' You whispered, hearing his heart thundering under your ear. He smiled and kissed the top of your head.

_Maybe we can start all over  
And give love another life _

 


End file.
